On Babies Growing Up

People with older kids say things to parents of small children like, “enjoy it while you can, they grow up quickly,” and you think, as the young ‘uns run around like two little tornadoes, “it can’t come fast enough!”

Then there are those moments, mostly when they are sleeping, or proclaiming their love with kisses and cuddles, when you think, “I hope they never grow up,” with tears in your eyes.

Somewhere in between, there is a balance. It’s called real life. The spectrum of parental emotion ranges from exasperation to complete, unconditional love. During the toddler years, particularly for those of us crazies who popped out two kids within as many years, the distance between those emotional poles is short. But as the little ones transform, albeit slowly, from helpless creatures to thoughtful, aware beings, the space between the extremes grows wider until one day we get a sense of what it means like to live in the middle. Balance.

Balance has recently, if only fleetingly, appeared in our home. Little shifts have occurred, like Julian (3 1/2 years) sharing a toy with Ben (20 months) unprompted. Julian becoming aware of others’ feelings. Last night I shut my finger in the door. It hurt like hell, but I held in the instinctual curse words with Julian just in the next room. He saw it happen though, saw me shaking the pain out of my hand as I did my clumsy holy-crap-that-hurt jig. As I walked into the kitchen, he called out from the other room, “mommy, are you ok?” The tone of his voice echoed genuine concern and compassion.

As these more mature scenes emerge in our lives, I begin to grasp the true sense of parenthood. Chris and I are no longer simply providing basic needs. We are shepherding two independent people into the world. We are crafting and molding actual humans. Two completely separate personalities, Ben with his abundant joy and Julian with his pensive caution. And while both remain capable of tearing through a room like a category five hurricane, they simultaneously grow, day by day, into little people with near-adult like sensibilities.

The best parts of the early years…the innocent laughter, the unconditional adoration, the blind trust…don’t disappear forever. Rather those qualities transform into a healthy balance of appreciation for life and caution. If we do right by these boys, we will cultivate that balance as they grow aware of their selves and their place in the world. If we do it right, we will neither lament the loss of the baby years nor will we impatiently await the day they are all grown up and on their own. With this awareness of that space between the extremes, we are free to truly appreciate each and every phase of our children’s lives.

I’m Ba-ack!

I have been tending to this new little amazing bundle of pure joy while simultaneously navigating the treacherous waters of parenting a toddler with a strong emerging sense of independence.  Needless to say, I’m a bit tired and in fairly desperate need of some stimulating conversation with adults.  I am determined to make some time to blog even if my baby is in my arms and I’m typing with one hand while fending off little legs trying to climb my chair.  And, I am doing just that.

I am going to offer up little Benjamin’s birth story in decidedly non-graphic detail (this is a food blog, really, so I don’t want to gross anyone out).  I plan to post about my new adventures as a temporary stay at home mom of two (I go back to work in T minus 9.5 weeks – sadness!).  So far, we’re all staying out of trouble and having a great time together.  Fingers crossed, it will last!  Until my next post, here are some pictures!

Baby Ben

 

Napping with Daddy

Big Brother!

My Take on Parenting: For What It’s Worth

Does your little one's bed time routine involve a story? Make sure it's what he really wants...

This morning, after reading an absurd bit of “advice” in the latest issue of BabyTalk Magazine, I informed my husband I was going to write a child rearing manual and call it The No BS Baby Book.  I cannot convey how tired I have become of what seems to be the latest trend in parenting: letting the child decide.

This gem of an article on so-called sleep advice advocates to “skip the bedtime routine,” conceding that “while experts recommend keeping a routine at night,” one study shows that routines are only effective if “baby is receptive to them.”  The advice of our expert includes forgoing nightly story time “if your wee one is not interested,” and “let him stay up later if he’s not sleepy at the usual bedtime.”

Ok, in the interest of full disclosure, I am certainly no child “expert.”  I have been a parent for all of 20 months and before that had absolutely zero contact with babies. However, common sense and conventional wisdom, not to mention every baby book I have ever read, encourages routines for babies and children,particularly at nighttime. 

Further, nearly every infant sleep expert agrees that a wide-awake child is often an overly tired child.  Babies and young children need a TON of sleep – far more than we need as adults.  So by allowing an overstimulated baby to stay awake past his typical bedtime, believing he isn’t ready to go down, you are ignoring the babies real cue, not “responding” to it.

I may have gotten Julian's eating and sleeping cues mixed up here...

I am all for reading baby’s cues- learning what he sounds and acts like when he is hungry, tired, etc.  By no means do I advocate dismissal of a baby’s true needs.  However, a good parent learns to trust his or her instinct,  engages in plenty of reading about child developement, combines that with an assessment of baby’s behavior, and makes rational decisions based on all of the information, not simply the child’s whim. 

Doing the right thing as a parent does involve being somewhat flexible with routines, for example a sick child may need to skip the bath and story because he is extremely tired and doesn’t have the energy.  Or, family social events  may keep baby up a bit later than normal from time to time.  All of that routine-altering is fine in moderation, but allowing the child to determine the tone of the evening night after night is reckless and unnecessary.  When did we decide as a society that kids- babies even- are infinitely better at deciding what’s right than adults with life experience?

Case in point.  Today at lunchtime my toddler Julian indicated that he wanted to eat juice, bread and cars. CARS!  If I was to listen to my child’s “needs” today, he would have dined on a transportation device! Every once in a while, Julian is highly keyed up at bedtime.  This is usually due to a daytime filled with several activities, family members and friends visiting, etc.  Would I let him stay up later just because he doesn’t appear tired at his normal bedtime? Never.  It’s times like this that parents need to step in and help the baby get settled down, by executing the routine. 

Whatever the routine may be, from bath time to quiet time, to lower lights, to soft music – whatever – it is important to a child. It signals the end of the day has come.  It means it’s time to prepare for sleep and restore the body and mind for a new day.  Sure, a kid may want to stay up late jumping on the bed and spinning in circles, but does that help the child develop? 

But don’t take it from me, go ahead and let your kids make all the decisions.  Because one “expert” says it’s a good idea.  Feel free to let them run wild.  Just make sure they don’t come screaming by Julian’s window at night.  He’ll be fast asleep.  Because mommy said so!

Julian Sleeping at 10 Months

Teething!

We’ve dealt with teething before.  But this week, three teeth sprouted out of nowhere – one of them a molar more than halfway to the back of his mouth!  He’s doing fairly well, but anytime there is crabbiness for seemingly no reason, excess drooling and the dreaded diarrhea, I know we’re in for fun times.  He doesn’t seem interested in his typical teethers lately.  I’ve tried cold wet cloth, ice, my husband’s shoe (see picture) – all to no avail.  And now he’s found a neat new trick.  He chews up his food and then spits it out.  I’m not sure if that one is teething related, or just another special way he has of testing my patience.  

What teething “recipes” have worked for your babies?  I would be grateful for any advice you have to share!